Mommy's Gone Wild Night

Last night was the ever hyped up night: Mommies Gone Wild. I had been dreaming about this night for so long and built it up in my mind for so long that I was giddy with excitement. And of course as the event approaches things began to fizzle. Friday my head started hurting and I began to feel a bit crampy. 'No, this can't be happenin'g I thought to myself. Then Saturday my head was still aching a bit and the crampiness was still ever present. I popped some Excedrin migraine with a cup of coffee and tried to keep a steady dose in my system throughout the day. Strangely my fellow mommy who was instrumental in the big night sent me a text saying she had cramps as well. I was determined to not let this monthly occurrence prevent me from my "Wild Night Out". I told her, "take more drugs" and not to bail on me. She was all in as were the other menses free Mommies. Clearly it had been a while since we'd been out on the town. We went to dinner and enjoyed a nice time at Clyde Common people watching and judging passersby and wondering, whoa, what the heck are you wearing? And, when others across the street shouted 'I love you' we thought, ugh, how sad and pathetic that you can't hold your liquor. We had a couple drinks there (seriously, 10$ for a mixed drink with Kettle One vodka, that's nuts!...this is partially why I don't go out, its because I'm too sensible to spend that much on a drink when I could buy a bottle of vodka for not much more). At any rate, from there we headed to the Fez for dancing (a $5.00 cover) and the music was whack! three (or maybe it was only two floors) of dance music but there was hardly anybody there and the people that were there were .... well, lets just say we weren't trying to hang with them. In an effort to throw caution to the wind and trying to have some fun I danced with one of my fellow mommy friends while the three others sat with their drinks judging (which I am not judging them for doing this because I thought it was fun too) but the music was really bad. How can you dance to that really bad house music that the dj is making up as he goes (unless of course if you're in an altered state it is probably quite simple, which I wasn't). Next, we couldn't take it any longer and left that place and headed to Embers. As we headed there we all said to each other, "geez, I haven't been to Embers in ages." Once there, it became apparent why we hadn't been there in ages. Interesting crowd there as well. Several people that seemed like they were probably there with there fake id (really, this is where you are trying to get into with fake id?...Embers isn't that exclusive kids, shoot for the stars). It was fascinating to see a young Indian fellow who looked cute enough trying to make the moves on many women in the bar only to be rejected summarily all around. I kind of felt bad for him, as if he needed some assistance with his game. He danced with one of my married mommy friends who has two kids, which could be flattering to her, but wasn't. Then he asked another mommy friend as she sat to take a break why she wasn't dancing to which she responded, 'i'm taking a break' and apparently that wasn't clear enough so he asked again: why aren't you dancing? At this point, it's simply annoying. What are you deaf or just stupid? Step-off chump. I saw this poor fellow approach a group of fair haired girls who collectively shook their heads as he spoke. Poor chump. Moving along, there was many groups of brides/bridesmaids out and they seemed to be travelling to the same places we were (unfortunately? or maybe that means we know of all the cool places the kids are going these days??? who knows) At any rate, we watched these girls dance and wondered, 'why did they choose to wear those uber short skirts/shorts tonight? Seriously, if you pull at your skirt/shorts concerned that your ass is hanging out, it clearly isn't the right outfit (and FYI: yes, your ass is hanging out and your mom would be disappointed). However, this place did provide the most entertainment. We saw some short guy with a head band that looked like Golum from Lord of the Rings, we saw some woman wearing a mask that looked like Black Swan, we saw some Indian guy with long feathered hair, like from the 80's, dancing around alone bumping people as he moved, and a couple that looked like siblings, kinda like Angelina Jolie and her brother just not as attractive, and a very odd female couple grinding each other (really, one of the girls had to be on ecstasy because she was dry humping her partner's stomach....what on earth would she get out of that?) they clearly wanted us to watch. Then the music took a horrible turn and it was time to move on, next stop, Kells. Lame. We stayed there long enough for me to use the toilet. Really there are some stupid girls walking the streets, truly a girl did not know how to flush the toilet at Kells...I kid you not. She did not realize you push the button on the side. Oy vey. If this is what wanders the streets and bars at nights, I'll just stay at home, happily. We ate some fries, I complained with one of the mommies about how White Portland is and that Kells is the worst display of that fact. Next we thought we aren't ready to end this yet, so lets go to some strip clubs so we stopped by Spyce: it was closing (it was 2:00-ish). To the car, and lets go to the Acropolis. We get there: CLOSED, "sorry ladies" fabulous. Well, I guess we should just go home. I was not quite ready for those words, but I was outnumbered and overruled. So, by 3:00 I was washing my face and brushing my teeth, not buzzed and not really sleepy (all those Excedrin migraine from earlier in the day and the caffeine was keeping me slightly wired). And finally, to bed. I feel asleep and honestly, within an hour, the baby woke up crying. WTF!! This is BS!! I should have slept down stairs. So much for my "wild" night. It was no remake of the Hangover, but I did at least stay up beyond my usual bed time, which is a wild start. Baby steps, right?