Happy stinking mother's day...it's a sham

Mother's Day is over,  what a sham of a holiday.  I was chatting with the daughter of a client yesterday and she was saying how she thought Mother's Day is another Hallmark holiday, opportunity to make some money.  I would tend to agree.  I adore my children and I know they love me...even though Eytan did say she wanted to write a book called, "Mommy Go Away for 90-Years".  This morning, she crawled into bed with me to tell me a menagerie of things, one of which was "I love you, Mommy, I never want you to go away" (I guess she's putting a hold on production on that book).  Ayelet tells me, almost daily, "I love you so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much" and hugs me at the knee caps.  They both make me little trinkets both at school and at home while I'm making them breakfast, snacks, and dinner.  They pick flowers for me, make me mud-pies and all sorts of things to show me how much they love me, daily.  So did they need Sunday, May 11th to tell them something they already knew? Or to remind them to do something they already do instinctively?  No, because what that did for them was tell them to wake at 6:15 a.m., traipse into my room, and wake me, from my peaceful slumber to tell me, "Happy Mother's Day!!"  Bleary eyed, actually, I don't even know if I opened my eyes, now that I think about it, it was so stinkin' early.  Perhaps one eye was open, as I said, 'thanks girls, that's sweet, now can you go lay down in your beds and talk quietly for a while, it's really early.'  They came back maybe 30 minutes later.  At that point, I figured it was over.  Sam had said the night before he was going to take the dog running in the morning and we were planning on going to my parent's house for brunch.  So, I was encouraging him to get up and go early since we were already awake, rather than lay around in bed under the guise that he was going back to sleep.  Its not happening.  Get your butt up, take your dog and go running and get it over with so we can get this day moving, the clock is ticking.  It never fails that we are the last to arrive anywhere because ... well, we just are.   Finally, Sam takes Barni and goes running, I help the girls get dressed and tidy up the house, get dressed.  Then Sam gets back and remembers there is a dead chicken at the school he was going to bag to remove so when the kids return on Monday, they don't have to see a dead chicken.  Now, where is the key to the gate?  It was hanging on the hook by the door and now its not.  Again, the clock is ticking, and its stuff like this that affect our arrival times.  Sam looks around the house and outside.  I continue to get dressed, the girls watch Wild Kratts.  I look in my car for the key and clean out my car at the same time, no key, Sam sits and waits and watches Wild Kratts with the girls.  Whatever, we'll look for the key later but at the very least Sam should get in the shower so we can leave because at this point, my mom has already called asking when we are coming over.  Ugh!  Well, since you can hear the television in the background, you know I am still at home, so I haven't left my house yet.  I don't know when I'm leaving, probably when I get in my car.  I'll call you when we're on our way.  But, as I am on the phone, I get a glimpse of the floor and see it is covered in dog hairs.  So, while I am waiting for Sam to shower, I vacuum the floor.  I move some furniture, the ottoman, the arm chair, the couch and voila! the key is under the couch.  Amazing what you find when you look and move furniture.  I give the key to Eytan and tell her to go give it to Daddy and tell him I found the key.  Eventually, he strolls down the stairs, gets a garbage bag, goes up to the school, bags the dead chicken, and back home.  Now, to get the stuff we are taking to my parent's house for brunch.  A quick stop for coffee and out to Troutdale.  Oy vey. Of course, there is an accident on the freeway, why wouldn't there be? This is why we show up when we do.  We stay in T-dale for a while, have brunch, visit with the family and then it's time to go.

As we head home, I'm feeling the pressure of waking up at 6:15 and that 10.91 mile run from Saturday begin to catch up with me.  I'm like a zombie at the wheel.  I just need to make it home so I can lie down and take a nap.  Sam said he'd take the girls and dog to the river since the weather was so nice.  I was able to nap while they were gone.  Then when they came home it was go time again for mommy.  Sam cleaned our chicken coop, I played with the girls on their bikes on the sidewalk out front.  Then I asked Ayelet, 'Is that goat out?'  Then realizing both goats were roaming freely, it was time to herd some goats.  I raced back home to get some work gloves and a rope, not knowing how easy/difficult this would be and told Sam, "THE GOATS ARE OUT!"  On my way back up to the school my neighbor Katie was out because she noticed the goats were out and was going to help.  Between the two of us, we managed to get Stormy and Joey back into the gated area.  But not before noticing all 6 chickens were out as well.  What is this??  At this point, my other neighbor Peggy Sue was there to help wrangle animals.  Eytan and Ayelet helped collect chickens because they love that.  We have our own chickens and catching chickens and petting chickens is something they know how to do and they love to do it.  Eytan caught a chicken and put it back in the gate.  Ayelet chased, which is her usual course of action.  Peggy Sue caught two by the tail-feathers.  Katie got one back in and I got another in.  Eventually, all the animals were back in their rightful home.  Sam locked up the gate better than he did in the morning and we all departed.  Good thing all my neighbors are friends.

Back at home, time to clip nails and I smell something just putrid.  I thought it was Barni farting.  Then it occurs to me, it was Ayelet's feet.  Oooh, my gosh it was horrid.  It smelled like a toilet, actually like a porta-potti.  Sam said they had walked around in the Willamette.  Ugh, that explains it, that river is disgusting!  And, Barni had been thrown in and forced to swim (the dog hates water, but we love to see her swim).  Between Ayelet, Eytan and Barni they all smelled like crap.  My stomach was flipping.  The girls got baths, but Barni somehow got overlooked.  Then in the middle of the night I woke to go to the bathroom to a horrible smell in our room because her bed is in our room.  Barni has funked up our room because she did not get a bath and now she has funkdefied our room and I am being smoked out.

That was my mother's day.  This is why I say it is a sham.  From beginning at 6:15 a.m. to the next day funking up my bedroom smelling like crap, happy stinking mother's day.