Post race do you look at your results and they are (1) not what you expected? (2) different than your time-keeper you used during the race? This post could go a multitude of directions. It could become a rant about Mapmyrun or it could go the inward self-reflecting, accept who you are at this moment, touchy feely direction. I haven't totally decided, yet. But, let me tell you how I am feeling and there may be an intersection of emotions.
This weekend, while most Portland runners probably stayed in town to do the Rock n' Roll half-marathon, I opted to save myself some money, because that one cost a whole lot of money and after having done it once, I'm not totally sure what all the fuss is about. I, however, am all about a well priced race, so I entered a smaller race in Keizer, Oregon. The Keizer Iris Run which was first mentioned to me by the law librarian and it fit in with my training schedule (I was looking for a half in May) and the price was right ($50) versus $80+ (like the Rock n' Roll or Hippie Chick, with a discount code, yikes!); check and check. I had trained pretty well. Then maybe three weeks prior to, I started having some back pain and that put a kink in my training and I just didn't feel like running, but I would go anyway and would really suffer the consequences. I popped my pills and saw my acupuncturist and continued with my training and thought I was feeling well enough (beside, I'd already paid for the entry, I'm going).
The first couple miles felt okay. I always feel like the first three miles are my warm-up miles anyway, so I am always slogging through those just to get into a rhythm. I thought, 'if I can just get myself through the first 9 miles, I should be okay'. My music played on, a little Madonna, a little Fitz and the Tantrums, some Willie Moon, all seemed to be going just fine. I ran alongside some older gentleman for a while - not talking, just keeping the same pace, but he must have entered the 10k because I didn't see him after the 10k turnaround. My pace felt faster according to mapmyrun. For the first 2 miles she said I was running 10 min/miles, then for miles 3 and 4 she said I had sped up to 9 min/miles. Granted, I did feel like my pace was faster, but not unbearable. It was so flat out there and the scenery was so rural and picturesque that you really began to just feel the ground pass under your feet effortlessly (in the beginning, toward the end, it passes with great effort where you wish there was a golf cart to give you a ride a couple of blocks). Eventually, I couldn't convince myself that I could I could carry on this effortless charade any and all the things you know about running being a mental as well as physical sport, well, it's all true. I fall victim to it often and when I know that I can continue running because I am physically strong enough and capable, mentally I start to shut down and walk a few steps. Those few steps walking is the kiss of death for me because it is so hard to regain that momentum I once had going (which is why I try to limit it to a few steps only). Curses! I didn't make it to the 9-mile mark. Grrr!!! That's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure I can leave some roadkill behind (you know, when you pass another runner, i.e., roadkill). Eventually, I make it to the turn around and I had been playing cat and mouse with these two guys. They passed me, I passed them, they passed me and after the turn around I only saw one of the pair. I kept him in my line of vision along with this other woman wearing turquoise leggings; those two would be my rabbits and I the greyhound. The big guy was like a tortoise, he wasn't moving terribly fast, but more of a moderate and constant steady pace, that's actually hard to beat, very admirable component. Turquoise legs was running similar to my pace but she would stop and walk every now and again and eat a energy gel pack or just take a breather. So that was my opportunity to strike, but I had to catch up to her first and I did not want to expend much energy because after running 10 miles, you have to save some in the tank for the last three to get you to the finish. I was able to pass the big guy at mile 10 and I never saw him again. Yay! My mapmyrun said I had slowed down and was now running 10.56 min/mile (that was my split pace, so I was really showing signs of exhaustion at that point), but my running still looked fluid. I was able to speak to volunteers and sound like a normal person. I passed turquoise legs by just trying to run a steady pace and stay focused. There were a couple little hills in there, and I tend to do well on hills, and then we were about to be back in the neighborhood so I knew the misery was about to be over. Good.
Aaah, the rain started. It was predicted, but it hadn't drizzled at all until the last mile of the run, really?? Harumph! I stopped and walked a moment and while I was walking, turquoise legs ran passed me. I saw her and just thought, that's fine, I'll catch up to her, but I need a breather now. (I should have known what was happening, this happens at every stinking race I do, especially towards the end...my give a shit was about to break. Why didn't I see it coming? Grrr. You know what 'they' say about hindsight.) Anyway, I did start running again, and I did surpass turquoise legs as she was donning a jacket (seriously, what's a little rain? What kind of Oregon runner are you that you stop in the middle of an organized run to put on a rain jacket? Huh? I don't even know how many times I've gone running in rain, both a little drizzle to a monsoon: I survived (she would have too, just saying). Anyway, while she was putting on her jacket, I passed her highness. Now, there is less than a mile to go according to mapmyrun and I figure at this point I could probably keep up running to the finish line, right (but, dang, I am so flipping exhausted! Why do I do this to myself? Yes, I can do this, easy peasy lemon squeasy, just keep going, just keep going. Why can't Alicia Keys, Girl on Fire come on when you need it? or MIA come on for some extra motivation. The right tunes can carry me through and at that moment, I don't recall what was playing but it was not the right tunes, I know that much is for sure. I ran several blocks then I walked a second or two, then ran, then walked half a second, then these ladies that I had passed a while ago passed me and you know I didn't think much of it.
Then this other lady that I had never even seen had come out of nowhere had passed me, what?? That's fine. I continued running for and passed a couple, the woman was wearing a shirt of Whibdey Island marathon/half-marathon. I thought I'd look that up later because I'm sure that's a scenic run. Then, the unthinkable thing happened...turquoise legs passed me running. I just didn't care anymore. I started running, but just couldn't muster up enough energy to catch up to her or continue running for very long. I was on E (at least until I could see the finish line). Because when I see the finish line, I can run again, but not super fast, just fast enough to have a respectable crowd finish running across the line. As it turns out, she ultimately finished 2 seconds ahead of me. 2 seconds! (but the real kicker is, she is 4 years older than me...argh!)
After finishing and turning off my mapmyrun, she said- and it took me a little bit of time to get my phone out of my pocket and save the run and all that, she said my pace was 10.47 min/mile. I usually don't believe she is 100% accurate, but I try to believe there is some hint of truth to her numbers. Perhaps she is within +/-5 min/mile, or maybe that's being too generous? Sam asked me how I did, because the family couldn't make it to the run with me, I told him what mapmyrun said and he congratulates me. I'm feeling pretty good, too. I guess congratulations weren't really in order yet; they were premature until the official race results were posted. Then they were and I was dejected. I needed consoling. My pace, my official pace was 10.56. mwah, mwah. After seeing that this afternoon, my mood fell flat. Its amazing how you can go from feeling good when you believed your pace was 10.47 to be demoralized when the real pace is posted, like high school grades, for everyone to see, or who made the team after try-outs: 10.56. I tried to keep this in perspective. Thinking back on how going to weightwatchers, which I have been going for ages (imagine counseling in a group with a bunch of know-it-alls, blech) and when you have a bad weigh-in, they've said you should not let that weigh in ruin your day or your week. Yes, it can be depressing, but think about what you can do to change so it doesn't happen again the following week. What little changes can you make? So, that's what I've tried to do with this race result. I have gone back and looked at my last couple race results. The last couple half marathons I have done are the Vancouver Lake Half, which was January 2014 (that was a horrible course, I might add) but I finished that one in 2:21:53, the next race I did was the Roaring River Half and I finished that one in 2:24:06. So, this one is right in the middle, meaning I didn't do as bad as thought, but I could have done better than I did. I finished in 2:23:08.
What could I do for the next one? I could try to not let mental focus break down right before the finish line, in the last mile. And, not be so hard on myself. Naah, i'm not going to stop doing that, that's part of my make up, it's who I am. I'll adjust my playlist and make sure I have more motivating music to keep me going. Maybe I should train for another marathon or ultra? Maybe that's what I need??
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